It took 47 years of marriage…

Aug 22, 2023

A friend recently shared his fresh marriage insight that he had received. Like all marriage and/or life insights, the better most useful insights seem to to come with and from the darkest biggest challenges. That at least is what I have found in my own life and the same is true of my friend’s recent awakening. 

He and his wife have been married for 47 years. Those of us married far less than 47 years may think that by the time you reach that point in marriage you pretty much have seen it all. What my friend’s experience tells us, is that God is always growing us up in both life and marriage. 

So here’s what happened, about January or so, my buddy underwent a fairly common surgical procedure, during his recovery he started to develop complications with his heart. For days his heart rate would either rise really high at some points and then at other points, drop really low. As he tells the story, there was a point where his heart rate stayed at or above 150 beats per minute (bpm)- for five days straight. If you don’t know what that means. I think of it like this, I am in pretty good shape (I think) and when I work out and I am really pushing myself with some running or jumping around, my heart rate reaches 150 bpm. In other words, it is like the extreme range of a heart working extra hard. Well, my friend wasn’t working out, he was just laying in a hospital bed. The point was that something was wrong, so wrong that he thought he was dying. He started giving instructions and having deep life ending conversations with his wife and family. 

As he told me this story and we talked about the goodness of the Lord in his now full recovery, he shared something that stuck with me: “We have been married for 47 years, and it took 47 years for me to realize the depth of my wife’s care for me, this actually brought us closer”. It is an interesting realization because over the years of working with and taking to couples, it seems common that it’s in the extreme tough stuff we learn lessons and gain insights we don’t seem to connect with in the just ordinary stresses of marriage - LOL. 

So here is thought for us all, it takes years…actually our whole marriage to understand the total gift God has given us in the him or her we are married to. We will/should be always growing in learning who they are. But, Why wait? Why wait until a near death experience to learn how great a gift God has given us in our spouse? Are we missing the awesomeness of our spouse for years on end, while standing and living right next to them. 

Let’s pray and seek the Lord to know, understand and to a greater degree appreciate the husband or wife He has given us - now.


Edward Lee has been a Christian Marriage Coach for the last 17 years through Elevate Your Marriage. 

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